WWN Guide To Surviving A Free Bar

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CHRISTMAS party season is upon us, and presents one of the few occasions where ordinary folk get the chance to attend an event which features a free bar. Zero cost alcohol, right in front of you like you’ve always dreamed of. An alcoholic wonderland. A beer Utopia.

Although it may seem like the simplest thing in the world, partaking in the delights of a free bar is not as easy as it first appears. Many people overdo it too early, while many others become overwhelmed by shyness, missing out on getting legless for free. Follow these simple steps to make sure you get as much free alcohol as you deserve, without looking like a total helpless drunk in the process.

Act nonchalant

Although your heart may have lept out of your chest the moment your co-worker told you that the bar was free, try and play it cool. Remember, you may be at an event with several of your peers and seniors, so you don’t want to just throw your hands up in the air and run screaming for the bar like it’s the last chopper out of Saigon. Use phrases such as “Oh, a free bar?”, and “I think I’ll take it easy tonight” to make it seem like you frequently go to events where they give out free beer.

Pace yourself

Everyone is going to get destroyed at this thing, but it’s still possible for you to end the night known as “the guy who got shit-faced”, if you’re the one who starts pounding shots straight out of the trap. The first hour at a free bar should be somewhat civilised, as if you’re at an all you can eat Chinese buffet. You don’t just run up to the steam tray and pile fifty chicken balls onto your plate like a starving dog, do you? Act like you’ve been out of the house before.

Know when to pick up the pace

As the night goes on, you can kick it up a gear or two. Around the two hour mark of the event, it will become apparent that the free bar isn’t limitless; the company may have put €1,000 behind the bar, or they may have only paid for X amount of kegs and Y amount of bottles of wine. When that’s gone, it’s back to paying out of your own pocket like an idiot. Time to start two-fisting pints.

Stay vigilant

Listen out at all times for talk about kegs running out, or bottles running dry. Everything has a knock on effect; you may be drinking Budweiser instead of Guinness, but when the Guinness runs out they’re all gonna start coming for your beer instead. How long do you think your beer will last when it’s the only keg left? If you hear of anything running out, hit the bar and stock up.

Drink anything they have left

The end of the night is not the time to get picky. Boo hoo, they’ve only got red wine left. Drink it. It’s free. You never, ever get free drinks, so don’t start getting fussy. Just make a little collection of West Coast Coolers and shots of Mickey Finns and Baileys and whatever they’ve got left, and slam them into yourself before people who missed the bar closing start trying to guilt you out of what you earned.

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