5 Things Cowen & Ahern Can Buy With Their Pension Raise

COMING not a moment too soon, a provision in the Lansdowne Road agreement on public-sector pay has landed several retired politicians and senior civil servants with a much-needed pension increase.

Former Taoisigh Bertie Ahern and Brian Cowen will both receive an extra €2,000 annually, which should go some way towards helping them stretch their current €134,000 per year allowance.

With the extra few euro allowing all in the Ahern and Cowen households to breathe a sigh of relief, we take a look at just how the cash-strapped duo can spend the extra two grand they receive from the taxpayer.

1) Food

Feeding a family is not easy, especially if you’re depending on payments from the state to get by. Both Brian and Bertie breathe a little easier knowing that they can put some of their raise towards making sure their families don’t have to go to be hungry.

2) Clothing

Before they learned that they were getting a raise of 2 grand a year, both of the former Fianna Fail leaders were making do with old clothes which they repaired when necessary, or clothing bought from charity shops such as Oxfam. There were times when both men shed a quiet tear at the hopelessness they felt when sending their kids to school in threadbare uniforms, but thanks to their pay hike, those days are over!

3) Healthcare

For ex-politicians struggling to get by on a six figure pension, getting sick just isn’t an option. Doctors bills, medicine, having to miss work… they would just have to tough it out and hope for the best. With the extra money they’ve just been granted by legislation put into place while they were in office, they can both rest a little easier in the knowledge that they’ll be able to look after themselves and their loved ones should they fall ill.

4) Transport

If you’re struggling to make ends meet, having your car break down can be the worst thing in the world. You can’t afford to fix it, so you can’t make it to work, or you have to rely on public transport which means just another bill to pay. Both Bertie and Brian now have the money to repair their cars if necessary, meaning they’ll be able to get to the other high-paying jobs and public appearances that they use to bolster their meager pensions.

5) Bills

Do I pay the ESB bill, or the gas? Can I afford the house insurance, or will I pay my water bill? these were questions that kept both of the former Taoisigh awake until the wee hours of the night. Luckily for them, they’re going to receive enough extra cash each week to help chip away at their outgoings, meaning there’s much less chance of the pressure of the whole thing causing them to fall into a spiral of depression, addiction, or even suicide. G’wan the lads! We told you things would pick up!