Greece Now Accepting Plates As Legal Tender

THE Hellenic Republic of Greece will temporarily accept plates as a legal tender while its national bank begins the tedious process of printing its own currency, the drachma.

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras has urged citizens to refrain from smashing porcelain dishes during celebratory occasions for the moment, stating that just one vessel could equal as much as 3,000 Drachma.

“We are currently evaluating the current plate system,” Mr. Tsipras told viewers on state television, the Hellenic Broadcasting Corporation. “Dinner plates can reach anywhere up to three thousand drachma, and side plates two thousand. Please do not smash any plates as you will literally be throwing away money.”

Under the new monetary system, saucers will replace two euro coins for the time being, or the equivalent of 1,000 drahma, making them the most sought after plate on the market. As of next Monday, all euro currency will be rendered worthless inside the republic and should be handed into the ministry of finance offices as soon as humanly possible.

“We’re just going to give Europe back whatever change we have left,” explained finance minister Yanis Varoufakis. “This should keep them off our backs for a bit.”