16-Year-Old Kids Needed For Summer Of Driving Lethal Farm Machinery

WITH silage season about to get into full swing, farmers across the country have put out their annual request for 16-year-old lads to drive enormous tractors around tiny country roads.

Due to their smaller stature and youthful recklessness, culchie teens are deemed the ideal pilots for massive farm machinery, and most will spend their entire Summer doing a combination of cutting, baling, drawing, and forcing other motorists up into the ditch.

Although the minimum age for a driving license in Ireland is 17 for cars, kids get a one year head-start on this if they have access to incredibly powerful, potentially lethal farm equipment.

The law does state that 16-year-olds are only allowed to drive tractors on farm land while not towing any extra equipment such as trailers or mowing machinery, most farmers allow their young staff to haul whatever they want on the open road, as the journeys undertaken are usually only ‘from here to there’.

“There are opportunities for any youngster out there with an interest in ham sandwiches, Bon Jovi, and being the most dangerous thing within a five mile radius,” said Seamus Carroll, chief recruiting officer for the Irish Young Tractor Drivers Association.

“There’s fuck all pay now, but it’ll get you out of the house for the Summer, and you’ll get fed too. Most importantly, you’ll be driving big fuck-off tractors every day, so if you’ve any friends in the area you can beep the horn and rev the engine at them as you drive past their house ten times a day”.

The silage season is expected to last until June, maybe July if there’s two cuts.