Nigel Farage To Go Back To Being Full Blown Racist


UKIP leader Nigel Farage is expected to go back to being a full-blown racist after failing to gain the seat of Thanet South, despite his party increasing its share of the vote nationally.

After losing out to Conservative candidate Craig Mackinlay, the former commodity broker vowed to resign as leader, losing by almost 3,000 votes, polling a total of 16,026.

Speaking about his defeat, he insisted he had “never felt happier”, with a “weight lifted off his white shoulders”.

“Niggers!” Farage exclaimed shortly after hearing the election news. “There, I’ve said it. Damn that feels so good. Paki pricks! Kikes! Seriously, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to say those beautiful words again. Paddy bastards! Spics! God, what I wouldn’t give to punch a homeless or a gay person in the jaw right now!”

Mr. Farage stated he would recommend Suzanne Evans, the deputy chairman, be a stand-in leader until the UKIP leadership challenge is complete.

“Suzie is a great lass and is pretty good at hiding her racist beliefs. I think that’s imperative going forward that we find someone who can cloak the party’s real agenda while secretly maintaining an air of white British supremacy”.

“Fucking wops,” he added.

Elsewhere, final voting figures suggest a majority win for the David Cameron’s Conservative party, much to the joy of the financially wealthy.