Lovin’ Waterford: 5 Reasons You Should Avoid This Restaurant That Wouldn’t Kiss My Hole

UGH.

That’s all this writer can say. I just had the worst experience that I’ve ever had since the day I first decided out of nowhere that I was a restaurant critic.

Out for a few drinkies with my bessies, I decided that it was time to get something to eat because I was locked; little did I know that the restaurant I walked into was a total ‘mare, and that I would be heading back to my apart at midnight to voice my displeasure. The restaurant in question was Marcus’ Market, a BBQ joint in the middle of Waterford, and here are 5 reasons you should never, EVER go near this dump.

1) I had to wait for a fucking table?

Are you kidding me? When I got into the restaurant, they didn’t seem to recognise me AT ALL. EH, hello? It’s the reviewer from Lovin’ Waterford here? Don’t they know to immediately throw some people out so that I can have their table? Instead, I had to wait at the fucking front of the restaurant with a bunch of fucking plebs. Disgraceful.

2) The waitress was a BITCH who wouldn’t give me her number.

Ok love, you’re just a waitress, yeah? No need to get such a fucking attitude, alright? Seriously, this B-scratch dodged all my advances and acted like I was making things awkward for her? Get over yourself love. My shoes cost more than you make in a week.

3) The food wasn’t what I had ordered.

So my order arrives, like, eventually, and it was totes not what I had thought it was going to be! My brisket came with chips, but I thought it came with bread. Like, why wouldn’t it come with bread? It comes with bread in this other BBQ place I visited on my awesome trip to the States last year. Who eats chips these days? What is this, the eighties? The waitress pointed out to me that the menu clearly states it came with chips, but don’t get me started on that bitch again. Then they expected me to pay extra for bread? Are they fucking serious?

4) They wouldn’t sell me any more drink.

Can you believe this? First, the drink they had on offer was pathetic. They didn’t have a single India Pale Ale that I hadn’t heard of. Amateur town. Then after I choked down a few bottles of the horsepiss they had on offer, they refused to serve me any more? Some BS about how I had been drunk coming into the restaurant to begin with, and now I was getting loud and obnoxious? And other customers were complaining? Seriously, do they even know who I am?

5) I had to pay for it!

WOAH. This crowd must have just been begging for me to give them a shit review. There’s no other explanation for it; to ask me, LW’s finest, to pay for my meal? “Ok guys, I’ll pay for it, but it’s the most expensive meal you’ve ever served”, I told them. “I run a website called Lovin’ Waterford, the most influential website on the internet, and I’m going home now to tell my hundreds of millions of disciples what I think of your shitty BBQ restaurant”.

And that’s just what I did!

Hashtag CRUSHINGIT!!!