WITH the new Premier League season fast approaching Manchester United legend Roy Keane has politely asked newly installed manager Erik Ten Hag if he can have five minutes alone with his squad. “Just want to wish them well ahead of the new season. Positive affirmations, maybe a nice group selfie, lead a meditation exercise, that… Read more »
MANCHESTER UNITED have reiterated their zero tolerance of any crime committed by their players, with the usual caveat that Cristiano Ronaldo remains the exception. “We honestly could feel a lot stronger about this issue, we draw the line in disappearing ink on this issue but,” confirmed a United spokesperson, who admitted the marketing pull and… Read more »
SENSATIONALLY silencing all critics of the Glazer era who think those running the club have all the football knowledge Sylvester Stallone in Escape to Victory, Ed Woodward has appointed former England manager Mike Bassett as interim manager at Manchester United. “Would a ‘calculator in a suit with shit for brains’ appoint a former England manager… Read more »
EMERGING as the front runner to succeed Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at Manchester United, West Ham boss David Moyes continues to excite and delight with his team’s display, fresh from a 3-2 win over fellow title contenders Liverpool. “If he can get Aaron Cresswell playing like Roberto Carlos at West Ham, he can probably turn Aaron… Read more »
“IT’S NOT about big money signings, the club is the heartbeat of the community,” confirmed Dublin native and Manchester United fan Glen Keely, of the widely reported on protests (that nearly killed Graeme Souness) against the club’s owners which saw his club’s game against Liverpool postponed. “Green and Gold, Heaton Newt! The Glazers don’t own… Read more »
A SCANDAL as astonishing as recent revelations of Russian interference in British politics has been discovered at the very heart of the Premier League, WWN Sports can reveal. Manchester United’s 2-0 win over Champions League rivals on Leicester City on the final day of the season looked routine until VAR replays revealed that Leicester defender… Read more »
HAVING seen fans depart Old Trafford during the hilariously harrowing scenes of Manchester United’s 2-0 loss to Burnley last night, football fans of clubs that didn’t spend over £800 million pounds on absolute dross have been asked to open their hearts and doors to lost Manchester United fans. Representatives from football charities the British Have… Read more »
Gary Farrell, a lifelong Manchester United fan took affirmative action last night and signed Spanish international Cesc Fabregas while simultaneously drooling on his pillow while muttering ‘come, lie beside me Cesc. Now, through ball me’. While the news that transfer signings made by fans as they dream are not transferable to real life has proved… Read more »
The debut press conference of interim Manchester United manager Ryan Giggs turned up few surprises, but the reestablishment of a women’s team certainly came out of the blue. “I’m as surprised as you, but he made a compelling case for the new team,” vice chairman Ed Woodward told WWN exclusively. “When Ryan was asked to… Read more »
Manchester United manager David Moyes is facing the serious possibility of being taken around the back of the old shed and shot if he fails to secure his club’s first win of 2014 against Swansea this Saturday. While many football pundits have pointed out that the current Premier League champions are enduring poor form many… Read more »