Compromise Reached As Government Agree To Move Israeli Embassy To Clonmel

DESPITE the government proposing and passing a counter-motion to the Social Democrats’ calls for the expulsion of the Israeli ambassador and a referral of Israel to the International Criminal Court, the Dáil has come to a compromise which should satisfy all political parties for now.

“It’s like if dropping your ice cream cone on the ground was a town,” said the coalition defending the moving of the Israeli embassy to Clonmel instead of enacting the Occupied Territories Bill, “if the ambassador wants to see what a town bombed by the IDF looks like she’ll be right at home in Clonmel, no offence Clonmel”.

“If Israel insists on repeating the inhumane horrors of the Nakba of 1948 their ambassador to Ireland can go live in 1948,” said one activist of Clonmel, where the internet was only formally removed from a list of ‘possible witchcraft’ in 2018.

Acknowledged by medical professionals to be a cure for happiness, Clonmel is seen at the strictest punishment Ireland can give Israel that doesn’t involve cutting all diplomatic ties.

Elsewhere, Micheál Martin was heavily criticised for his disgraceful decision to skip out on the Israel vote yesterday to go on holiday.

“He’s a disgrace, a holiday? At a time like this,” said an irate and incredulous Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald, “and not just one holiday, he’s in Egypt and Israel and Palestine. Does he not realise now is the time for intervention, for trying to avert further deaths in Gaza? But he’s swanning off”.

Meanwhile, the IDF has released fresh images from the captured Al-Shifa hospital were they have video evidence of Shergar’s burial site, Saddam Hussein’s WMDs and Amelia Earhart’s plane.