Pressure Grows On Man To Become One Of Those NFL Eejits
IN THE WAKE of the Aviva hosting another sold out college American football game and news of an Irish man joining the Green Bay Packers roster, local man Dermot Higgins fears his friends will once again try and pressure him into becoming what he terms an ‘annoying NFL eejit’.
“What human being says ‘the regular season is starting’ with a straight face, the lads dress up as Americans and stay up late of a Sunday it’s embarrassing,” offered Higgins who has proudly no idea what a single NFL term means.
“We come from a culture of wearing GAA shorts three size too small for you not wearing an NFL jersey eight sizes too big for you! Are ya not mortified getting your Yank on like that,” Higgins added while confirming he can’t move for NFL fantasy football invites, feeling there is a sinister plot at work to convert him into an NFL watcher.
“We need to normalise bullying people for this stuff, field goal, end line, yards, defensive line, go away and shite,” confirmed Higgins in a WhatsApp to his friends when they suggested getting together for the opening weekend of games.
“Worse than Jehovah Witnesses they are. Trying to brainwash me into their little cult. Trying to punish me because they couldn’t get a real hobby,” explained Higgins who has warned his friends he will never speak to them again if he here’s them uttering the phrase ‘pre-gaming’ one more time.