Former TD Who Tested Positive For Cocaine While Driving Was ‘Trying To Highlight Dangers’


A FORMER as-yet-unnamed TD described by tabloids as ‘prominent and high profile’ has allegedly been arrested on suspicion of drink-snorting after testing positive for cocaine but the TD in question has reached out to WWN to clarify the misunderstanding.

“This is actually part of an awareness campaign to show the dangers of cocaine. Did the citizens assembly on drugs ask me to do this? Strictly speaking no, I did it voluntarily because that’s how passionate about cocaine, eh I mean, the dangers of drug use,” the former TD said in between heavy sniffing.

“Initially after the first line I began to feel great which was not the desired effect which is why I then had to take more obviously until such a time I thought I had the power to burn the sun,” added the former TD, performing this public awareness scheme for free.

The car the TD was driving had no NCT or tax, something the TD could also explain.

“I was merely trying to show the region’s boy racers what not to do, I’m not saying I’m a hero but if that’s what people are calling me so be it,” added the former TD, who faces a punishment of a return to politics if their name is made public.

Arrested on the 12th of June in Connacht, the former TD has been praised for giving the province something to endlessly gossip and speculate about.

“I heard he was snorting it off the arse of a sex worker while also texting on his mobile as he did a donut in front of a school for the blind,” said one local.