Desperate King Charles To Ask The Wolfe Tones To Play Coronation


AS RUMOURS circulate that everyone from Elton John to Harry Styles have declined to play at King Charles coronation, the desperate monarch has begun personally reaching out to musical acts to ensure his big day isn’t a damp squib.

“You’d be surprised at the number of people who aren’t that interested in playing music for a 73-year-old’s party to celebrate how his mum died and he inherited billions tax free,” shared a palace insider who just got off the phone with an S Club 7 tribute act who are sadly booked that day.

Growing increasingly worried spending millions on a back-patting day won’t turn out to be the huge PR win it should be, Charles has reached out to a hip new band called The Wolfe Tones after one of the Irish staff working at the palace personally recommended them.

“It’s not drill music is it? I find that ghastly, very ‘Meghan’ if you ask me,” queried Charles who was assured the music was very traditional and was sung by simple common folk.

“£32,000 for the band and £1,960 for equipment hire, that’s brilliant, that was Adele’s budget just for hair spray!” added Charles, who kindly declined his brother Andrew’s offer to play the spoons.

In order to increase interest in the coronation and guarantee attendance at the 6th of May event, Charles has confirmed he has managed to get his hands on a rare treasure in Britain today, a tomato, which will be on display in a protective case for all to stare at.

“A Nation Once Again, oh that sounds like a marvelous song, perfect tone for a coronation,” concluded Charles