“Aside From Financially Crippling Country & Sending Thousands To Die, Invasion Is Going Pretty Well”
VLADIMIR PUTIN has been reflecting on the first year of his attempted invasion of Ukraine with Russian news outlets, and the Russian leader was his usual effervescently positive self.
“I’ve lost more men in one year than Russian has lost in all the wars since WWII combined, Belgium just froze €58 billion in Russian assets, how can anyone view this as anything but a massive and continuing success?” shared Putin.
Assembled journalists didn’t let Putin of lightly and cornered him with non-stop praise and compliments for the conflict which has seen Russian war crimes broadcast to the entire world.
“Just as well I changed the constitution so I could rule for another 16 years because this 3-day Special Military Operation is 100% going to plan and personally, everyone tells me I’m doing a great job,” offered Putin, who confirmed his government would look into window safety in Russia as more and more of his inner circle fall from them to their deaths.
With gains for the Russian leader this year so far including just 60 square kilometres, further disgruntled mercenaries and a reports that soldiers are running out of ammunition, Putin couldn’t help but maintain a positive outlook.
“I need to get me one of those Mission Accomplished flags George W had, I can fly it over a bombed maternity hospital or better yet one of the 20 torture sites in Kherson. Some might say getting as many as 60,000 Russian men killed and losing billions of people’s money through sanctions will get a few people questioning my leadership but that’s nothing another hours long unhinged speech about how everyone in the West is a paedophile can’t fix,” concluded Putin.