Climate Change Denier Royally Fucked Off By Idea His Car Now Running On Less Damaging Fuel

GREETING the news that the petrol at Irish filling stations will double its ethanol content to 10% in a bid to help Ireland reduce its carbon emissions, local climate naysayer Simon Faolin began loudly shouting cries of ‘no’ while dropping to his knees.

“It boils my piss,” said Faolin, of the notion that the petrol in his tank could be marginally less damaging to the planet.

“That’s driving ruined for me! And it’s fucking ‘plant based’? Ryan you demented lettuce!” added Faolin cursing the Minister for Environment and infuriated by the thought of every mile he drives being powered by 10% ethanol fuel.

Cruel and unusual punishment for a climate sceptic such as Faolin, each car journey will now be a uniquely perverse form of torture now he has the knowledge that he is playing a small part in Ireland reaching its target of a 51% reduction in carbon emissions by 2030.

Faolin has vowed to burn more rubbish in his back garden to counteract any positive impact the ethanol fuel could have on the environment upon its introduction to the Irish market in April.

“This country’s gone soft, woke petrol? Is no pastime sacred anymore,” queried Faolin of his true passion in life – having an exhaust filthier than the darkest corners of Pornhub.