Brace Yourself: Here Comes Your Kid’s Bit In School Choir

THERE’s nothing as beautiful as a rousing choral performance at Christmas, as the melodic tones of a group of people singing in perfect harmony fills the air around you. Unless of course that choir is made up of kids. Particularly one of your own kids. Now it gets tricky.

1) Don’t enjoy the rest of the show too much before your child has their big solo

One thing you should never do is rock out at a choir. Don’t clap, don’t cheer, don’t get up on your partner’s shoulders and scream about how this is the best gig you’ve been to in the post-pandemic era.

Maintain a level of decorum. This way when your kid starts singing their bit, it won’t look like you’re suddenly mortified. Stay mortified throughout, maybe you’ll even look like you’re enjoying little Jimmy’s big moment.

2) Look directly at them

Because they’ll be looking directly at you, that’s for sure. Don’t chat to parents around you, don’t be on TikTok on your phone, don’t crack open a book. Hold your kids eyes for the three to four minutes this is going to take.

We know it’ll feel a lot longer, but every minute you don’t pay attention to your kid singing in a Christmas choir is another ten grand you’ll spend on therapists in coming years.

3) Hey, they might be good.

Just kidding. You’ve heard them practicing this in the house since June. So unless they suddenly got way better on the car ride over here, this is going to be grim death for all involved.

So ask yourself; how good is your child’s eyesight? Do you think they could see an Apple Airpod in your right ear from this distance? If not, we could be on to something here.