Everything You Need To Know About Rishi Sunak


AFTER TORY MPs threw their weight behind him, Rishi Sunak has become Britain’s prime minister for this week.

WWN presents all the pertinent facts you need to know about the MP for Richmond, Yorkshire:

The standards Indian parents set for acceptable career choice undertaken by their children just got a little more demanding.

At 42 is the youngest prime minister for 300 years and coincidentally shares the prevailing opinions from the 1700s when it comes to the poor.

Lost a leadership contest to Liz Truss. Liz fucking Truss.

Is Britain’s historic first PM of colour but in a bid to maintain continuity retains the previous three PMs penchant for trashing the country’s reputation abroad.

Third PM in a row to take office without a general election taking place which is very healthy for a democracy.

Yes, it is a bit on the nose that a man reputedly worth nearly £1 billion is called Rishi.

Same Rishi Sunak that gleefully boasted cutting money from deprived areas to send to affluent areas during Tory leadership campaign.

Considerably more charismatic than Lizz Truss but still trails The Lettuce in this department.

As a former Goldman Sachs employee is seen as a steady hand on the till, as Chancellor Sunak repeatedly ignored warnings that his Bounce Back Loan Scheme was subject to fraud, subsequently estimated to have lost the taxpayer £4.9bn in fraud.

His Eat Out to Help Out campaign led to a 30% rise in boyfriends offering to go down on their girlfriends.

Is more detached from reality about the negative impacts of Brexit than that lad down the town dressed head to toe in Lidl bags who claims he’s the reincarnation of JFK’s big toe.

Don’t worry racists, the planes to Rwanda are still on the menu.

The second PM after Johnson to hold the office despite attending Downing St parties during lockdown while your nan died.

Has a £400,000 spa and swimming pool in one of his houses, which is replenished with the tears from people in the queues at food banks.

“I know considering the substantial fortune of myself and my wife I may appear out of touch but I assure you all, I have caviar for breakfast from the veranda of one of many homes like any other ordinary person”.

In a dramatic shift from his predecessors, Sunak also couldn’t give two fucks about Northern Ireland.

Calm, competent, pragmatic, just some of the words said about Sunak when ‘detached sociopath’ would do.