Least Worst Option Wins French Election

DEMOCRACY fans across Europe are celebrating the least worst option winning the French presidential election with Emmanuel Macron securing a second term in office as he defeated Marine Le Pen, regarded as the ‘holy fuck, that’s terrible’ option.

“Hells bells, de Gaulle’s balls! Thank goodness for that, I can go back to ignoring French politics for another 5 years,” confirmed one local man who completely lost himself in the minutiae of French politics for about 11 minutes on Sunday morning.

It’s not clear what the least worst option’s second term will offer and if Macron can appease those who feel he has drifted to the right economically but it is believed no one outside France gives a shit anymore because at least that Le Pen creature didn’t get in.

“Macron’s in, Europe needs that stability, leaders who truly believe in democratic principles,” added another election watcher, who promised to occasionally check in on France when it produces a particularly sexy nudey lady art film or has big riots, which she stressed were fine and nothing to worry about because Le Poison didn’t get in.

“The extremist didn’t get in, best news all weekend, no xenophobic headscarf ban,” added another, seemingly unaware that’s probably still in the offing in the coming years.

Le Pen in her concession speech said Vladimir Putin hasn’t ruled out running her a third time in a French presidential election but she would know for certain closer to 2027.