“Save Our Jobs” Thousands Of Dealers Protest Legalising Cannabis Bill

THOUSANDS of cannabis dealers took to the streets this morning over news that People Before Profit TD Gino Kenny is bringing new bill to the Dáil in a bid to decriminalise the plant and regulate it, taking the sale and revenue away from criminal organisations and low-level street dealers.

Weed dealers, who were supposed to hit the streets of Dublin to protest at 9am arrived in dribs and drabs around noon, many of whom unsure where the actual protest was, before eventually forming queues at donut shops and take aways before finally meeting outside Government buildings at 2pm.

“Save our jobs,” chanted the squinting crowd, some taking sporadic little naps on the street out of sheer exhaustion.

“If yis take all ours customers we’ll end up having to get real jobs with taxes an’ everythin’ an lose all our benefits,” explained one worried protestor to WWN, before asking to keep sketch and to shield them from the wind while they skinned up a ‘one pinner’, “if they legalise it they’ll take the novelty out of it and it just won’t be cool with the kids an’all – country’s gone to the dogs, pal, wha’?”

The People Before Profit bill, which is due before the Dáil in July, will lead to a focus on the Green Party who previously called for the introduction of Dutch-style ‘coffee shops’ to Ireland, before becoming a morally bankrupt part of government.

“Ireland is not ready for cannabis legalisation,” Eamon Ryan stated, unaware of the sheer number of people using the herb being charged and wasting countless hours for courts and gardaí, “concerns remain for younger age groups that use particularly higher potency cannabis,” he added, unaware that regulation dealing with the strength of cannabis through legalisation would help solve all that, in the same fashion consumption of bootleg alcohol like moonshine and poitín dwindled in jurisdictions when prohibition ended.