Local Man Going To Leave It ‘Til Last Minute To Switch From Ulster Bank


DESPITE being described as a logistical nightmare and a task Irish banks are 100% not up to, local man David Granning is adamant that as one of one million Ulster Bank customers that has been advised to switch accounts he can leave all that to the very last minute.

“I’ve a dozen standing orders and direct debits as well as a savings account but I’m sure it’ll be grand,” shared David Granning, displaying the sort of relaxed attitude Irish banks indulged in before being bailed out a decade ago.

“Switching over 1 million customers from a closing bank to the likes of AIB and BOI, how hard could it be?” pondered Granning, of financial institutions who find answering a single phone call to be an impossible task of Herculean proportions.

Ignoring panicked personal finance experts and their pleas for the Waterford man not to do this to himself, the self-sabotaging instincts within Granning look like they’ll win out.

“These banks regularly fuck up customers’ direct debits, fail to pay out wages from employers to their employees, I’m sure there will be no delays of any kind in setting up 1 million new accounts over the coming months,” said Granning, before stating that he’d never heard of Revolut, just to get a rise out of people.

With a worse customer service rating and longer response times than the queue in Purgatory, Granning remains hellbent on only getting around to formally closing his account during Ulster Bank’s final hour of trading.

“You see this way I’ll get months of appalled complaining out of how inconvenienced I’ll be by the whole thing,” concluded the maniac.