Local Woman Just Going To Send You A Voice Note, It’s Quicker

DUBLIN woman Shannon Cannnings has opted to send an 8-minute voice note as it’s ‘quicker to say rather than type out’, much to the joy of her friends on their WhatsApp group.

“Before she discovered voice notes, she’s send normal text messages that were short and to the point, but of course now that she can record her voice she doesn’t have to worry about typing and can go on for as long as she wants,” grimaced one of her friends as they sat through Cannings’ latest diatribe.

“And there’s no denying the fact that it is certainly quicker for her to say it than to type it out, that’s a 100% truth. As for how long it would take us to read a response rather than listen to this stream of consciousness ramble in a hunt for whatever her point or request might be, well that’s not the point. It’s easier for her, and that’s all that matters”.

Analysis of an average 10-minute voice note from the 26-year-old has revealed:

– The opening 2-3 minutes is a monologue about how it’s easier to send a voice note, usually down to the fact that she’s currently driving and ‘doesn’t want to use her phone’.

– At least 4 minutes is attributed to ‘ums’, ‘ahs’, long silences, and comments on things that the listener can’t see.

– Maybe 30 seconds of pertinent information.

– A closing 3-4 minutes of a vocalised internal discussion about whether or not she has anything else to say, followed by nine separate goodbyes.

Meanwhile, the government are being urged to push through legislation that would outlaw any voice notes that run longer than one minute, tops.