5-Year-Old Becomes Youngest Person To Grow A Ronnie


A RECORD breaking 5-year-old in Waterford has hit headlines across the world after becoming the youngest lad in recorded history to successfully grow a ronnie.

While wispy in nature and more like bum fluff than hardened stubble, little Ruairi O’Connell has wowed his young peers in school and Guinness Book of Record judges.

“Oh my God, how did you do that? Did you just wake up and it was there? Can I touch it? Your Daddy has a big beard doesn’t he, did he give you some of his beard? Did you ask Santa for it but he only gave it to you now? I hear when you shave it makes even more hair grow back, you should do that it’d be so cool,” asked Guinness Book of Record judges and O’Connell’s classmates.

O’Connell overtakes Uzbek national Nikolai Antonovich who held the record back in 2012 when he was 6 years of age with a thick and vibrant handlebar moustache. Now 16, Antonovich is entirely obscured by an eight metre beard he also wears as a coat, hat and balaclava.

“The future is full of possibilities for young Ruairi, Gillette endorsements, Nair collaborations on the ‘gram and then of course there’s the automatic elevation to class ‘hard man’ which is probably the most valuable endorsement of all,” offered one facial hair expert.

Far from getting a big head after all the attention, young O’Connell has vowed to keep his feet on the ground.

“I’m the fucking Moustache King, I’m Ronnie Royalty. Marty Whelan can get fucked, there’s a new sheriff in town,” O’Connell said.