A DISTRAUGHT Dublin man has admitted to Waterford Whispers News that he’s ‘too deep in the hole’ to admit to his friends that he still has many, many questions about the rules of rugby despite following the sport with them for years.
“Of course I cheered the Irish team from the pub with the lads as they beat England at the weekend, but in the back of my mind all I could think was ‘why doesn’t everyone wear those head-condom things?’,” sobbed an anguished 45-year-old Dean Caillan.
“Why is it only some of them that wear them, do they have squishier heads than others? Google has told me nothing and I can’t possibly ask the lads, I still remember the funny looks they gave me when it became apparent that I didn’t know exactly how a penalty is awarded”.
Sympathetic to Caillan’s plight, the IRFU has issued the following guidelines for any late-to-the-game rugby fans who want to enjoy the Six Nations every year:
– Simply yell ‘that’s the stuff!’ any time a player on your team has the ball.
– Similarly, shout ‘go on, get him’ any time an opposing player has possession.
– Scoring is good, cheer!
– Not scoring is bad. A stern ‘not good enough lads, tighten up there’ will suffice here.
– There are 962 tiny rules and infractions that nobody really understands, so don’t stress them too much and just keep drinking.
Apparently these rules also apply to pretty much any sport.