Local Man Not Sure Why Some Rugby Players Get To Wear Little Hats

A DISTRAUGHT Dublin man has admitted to Waterford Whispers News that he’s ‘too deep in the hole’ to admit to his friends that he still has many, many questions about the rules of rugby despite following the sport with them for years.

“Of course I’ll cheer the Irish team from the pub with the lads any time they play, but in the back of my mind all I can think is ‘why doesn’t everyone wear those head-condom things?’,” sobbed an anguished 45-year-old Dean Caillan.

“Why is it only some of them that wear them, do they have squishier heads than others? Google has told me nothing and I can’t possibly ask the lads, I still remember the funny looks they gave me when it became apparent that I didn’t know exactly how a penalty is awarded”.

Sympathetic to Caillan’s plight, the IRFU has issued the following guidelines for any late-to-the-game rugby fans who want to enjoy Ireland matches:

– Simply yell ‘that’s the stuff!’ any time a player on your team has the ball.

– Similarly, shout ‘go on, get him’ any time an opposing player has possession.

– Scoring is good, cheer!

– Not scoring is bad. A stern ‘not good enough lads, tighten up there’ will suffice here.

– There are 962 tiny rules and infractions that nobody really understands, so don’t stress them too much and just keep drinking.

Apparently these rules also apply to pretty much any sport.