James Joyce Would Have Been A Divil For Onlyfans, Suggest Scholars


JOYCE scholars carrying out an extensive reappraisal of James Joyce’s literary oeuvre on the 100th anniversary of the publication of Ulysses have suggested, where he alive today, he’d be an absolute divil for the Onlyfans.

“If there was a young one selling her farts in a jar on there, he’d be first in the queue,” confirmed Joyce expert, Frank Gilmore-Hughes, in the wak of one politician suggesting Dublin Airport be renamed in the author’s honour.

Citing the abundance of love letters written to his wife Nora Barnacle, Gilmore-Hughes is not alone in suggesting Joyce would be sticking a few Onlyfans subscription charges on his Revolut and out of the view of any joint account.

“All evidence from his literary legacy and personal correspondence suggests he’d be hornier than a herd of goats hitching a ride on top of a rhino,” offered Margaret Fillerton.

“You might presume the Onlyfans market for sexy women farting to their hearts content would be small enough, but Joyce would have felt like he’d died and gone to heaven, the dirty fecker,” added Fillerton.

Not wanting to labour the point over Joyce’s obsession with ‘fat dirty farts coming spluttering out of his wife’s backside’, the preeminent experts on the Finnegans Wake scribe suggest he wouldn’t have got a tap of work done.

“Who knows what would have happened if Onlyfans was around back then, maybe he’d have been too busy pulling the mickey off himself to ever have written anything at all. Just think, thousands of Arts students would have been robbed of the chance to lie about having read Ulysses, doesn’t bear thinking about”.