Slagging Match Solves Housing Crisis
A HIGHLY publicised slagging match between Minister for Housing Darragh O’Brien and Sinn Féin housing spokesperson Eoin Ó Broin has solved the housing crisis, sparking celebrations nationwide.
“The cooperation, the cohesion, the solution focused, consensus building debate, I’ll be honest I’ve never seen anything like it my life time,” said one former renter, now finally getting to enjoy some guilt free avocado on toast.
While experts have been unable to explain how trotting out the same old talking points, one liners and passive aggressive eyebrow raising has resulted in the construction of 400,000 affordable homes overnight without affecting precious house prices and pension funds, what it clear is that is exactly what has happened.
“How guffawing loudly on Prime Time and saying ‘you’ve a neck on ya like Jabba the Hut’ or ‘says yer man Toby Turtle from Robin Hood g’way and shite’ magically solved this crisis is beyond us, but it has,” confirmed housing experts up and down the country.
“Aw, Dave, quick look, it has a kitchen island,” marveled one woman as she and her partner, who can afford a home, as they were shown around their 3-bed semi not located in the exclusion zone around a nuclear reactor meltdown.
“No, there must be some mistake, I’m a single person. Surely this is illegal, I’m a dirt person I should be spit on,” one single woman shot back when she was granted mortgage approval for something other than a tin can.
“Here was me thinking having one party in government for over a decade, guiding policy, would have been what was needed but all along it was just some mud slinging,” confirmed one former homeless man.