Nation Told To Apologise To GolfGate Victims, And Mean It This Time


ALL charges against everyone involved in the so-called ‘GolfGate’ incident were dismissed yesterday by a judge, prompting the nation to take a good hard look at itself in the mirror and accept how foolish we look right now.

“We thought that these high-profile civil servants, sitting and former TDs and senators and other assorted folks should be adhering to the rules that were set out for us during the pandemic, but we accept now that this was not the case and we also accept that we look like clowns for having thought it in the first place,” stated the nation in a screen grab from a lengthy apology written on a notes page on an iPhone.

Not satisfied with the apology, a judge ruled that the entire country should write a letter to each member of the Oireachtas Golf Society and ‘really grovel’ for forgiveness for the heinous way they’ve been treated throughout the ordeal.

“Some of these men haven’t been able to eat a five-star meal on someone else’s dime for over a year, they’ve been that traumatised,” boomed a spokesperson for Galway District Court today.

“And I’ll tell you another thing, I don’t want to hear a word out of ye when these lads get their old jobs back, with pay hikes to reflect the money they lost. Let that be a lesson to you all, the next time you think about getting angry at the ruling class. The absolute cheek of you all”.

The GolfGate accused are to celebrate the decision with a big dinner event where they’ll invite as many people as they like and there won’t be a partition in sight, what the fuck are you going to do about it?