Better Odds Of Public Winning The €19mn Lotto Jackpot Than Getting PCR Test


HOPEFUL and expectant players looking to win big with a free PCR test slot have been told they would be better off taking their chances on Ireland’s rollover €19mn jackpot.

“Honestly, these people who play the PCR test game are delusional. You’re not special pal, you’ve as much chance as winning as everyone else by which I mean there’s fuck all chance. Get over yourself,” relayed one disgruntled man in need of a PCR.

“You’d want to hear them, ‘when I get a PCR test, I can then give the HSE my close contacts and partake in a functioning track and trace system which will help in a small way to fight covid’. Honestly, I’d rather listen to smug bullshitters talk about how they’d give all their lotto winnings to charity”.

Such is the scarcity of PCR test slots and an ongoing limited testing capacity, PCR tests are going for eye watering sums on the black market.

“One lad offered me his Garth Brooks tickets and his son’s Nintendo Switch,” shared one PCR test tout, “I’m out to make money, sure, but I have a heart, so I let him keep the Animal Crossing game that came with the Switch”.

“Antigen tests are similarly scare now, more like them expensive scratch cards that ‘guarantee’ a winner but you never hear of anyone actually winning,” shared one pharmacist, who still hasn’t tired of the desperate faces coming in begging for antigens.

Despite the astronomical odds stacked against them, many fools are still spending hours and hours of their valuable time trying to win a PCR testing slot.