“Next Question; Do You Think I Give A Fuck?” Johnson Asks Britain Via Festive Zoom Quiz

AS THE BRITISH public tapped into their endless reserves of naive shock and significant anger as pictures of PM Boris Johnson hosting a Christmas quiz in 10 Downing Street last year against guidelines, Johnson hosted a follow up quiz address to the nation.

“Next question; do you think I give a fuck? Bonus point for anyone who can guess what number of shits I give,” said Johnson during a Zoom quiz broadcast on TV last night, during which he also announced GPs would be administering 1 million booster jabs per day starting tomorrow, much to the surprise of GPs.

“How much lying and laughing in your faces can I get away with without facing any consequences? Hint: the answer is ‘an infinite amount apparently'” added Johnson, who for the 156th time since he took office looks ‘on the brink’ of resigning or being ousted.

“How many children do I have? Trick question as I don’t even know the answer,” added Johnson, who has been on one big Christmas party since winning a snap election in December 2019.

Johnson is reportedly considering a number of distractions to take the focus of the current neverending rollercoaster ride of cock ups and omnishambles, including:

Telling the Queen if she was to die now, she’d really be doing him a favour.

Naming a kestrel Secretary for Health.

Contracting Omicron variant and becoming hospitalised again in bid to win back public sympathy.

Blaming the EU for organising multiple Downing St parties.

Getting ‘WAP’ tattooed on his forehead.

Pursuing one coherent policy that doesn’t immediately impoverish the already poor or trample on public’s human rights.

Confirming appearance on next series of I’m A Celeb.

Procuring a dingy and rowing to Calais in search of asylum.