Substitute Substitute Teachers Needed As Covid Continues To Affect Irish Schools

FOLLOWING appeals for substitute pupils to fill the void left after 8,000 5-12 years olds tested positive for Covid in the last week, there have been calls for back up substitute substitute teachers to cover the loss of substitute teachers testing positive while covering for Covid-positive teachers.

The effort to source substitutes for the substitutes as Covid-19 absolutely isn’t tearing through Irish schools is further complicated by the fact that all resources are tied up in the search for Minister for Education Norma Foley.

“Obviously since we know Covid-19 is banned from entering Irish schools, an obvious solution to a teacher shortage is to merge the schools affected and return to a 1-500 teacher pupil ratio,” said one source within NPHET.

NPHET and the government suggested they have it on good authority that teachers are catching Covid-19 at a secret underground nightclub they believe is called ‘Skule’, but that the Department of Education will help principals find substitute substitute teachers.

“Sadly they must be looking in the same place we store the HEPA filters for schools because there are none,” an official government spokesperson told WWN.

Elsewhere, every international Covid expert continues to beg the Irish government to share their secret to how Irish schools have remained Covid-free throughout the pandemic.

Meanwhile, one parent has insisted on sending their mucus expelling child to school tomorrow as “it’s hardly worth doing a test when it’s nothing”.