Bank Of Mum & Dad Call In Debt Collectors After Daughter Misses Repayment


“THIS IS in line with the terms of the loan agreement Aoife, you don’t deal directly with us anymore – we sold the debt to a third party agency. Begging us is a waste of time,” confirmed Noel and Ciara Heymond, senior management at BOMAD, as their daughter Aoife pleaded for more time.

Widely recognised as favourable interest rates and a flexible repayment scheme, the terms of the loan taken out by Aoife Heymond had been abused several times, leading BOMAD to make contact with debt collecting agency Capped, Knee & Associates.

“You left us with no choice but to engage the breaking your fucking legs option, you’re a repeat offender,” added CFO at BOMAD, Ciara, who will face her own questions after agreeing to a large loan for Aoife, an individual with a bad credit rating.

“We’re overexposed, our loan book isn’t performing, we didn’t take this decision lightly,” added Noel, who has been on the company’s shitlist ever since loaning youngest Sean money for a car without consulting Ciara or going through the official processes.

Shares prices in BOMAD dropped 3% on news of Capped, Knee & Associates becoming involved, while pleading texts to Mam from Aoife increased 47%.

Conscious of her plan to apply for further loans, especially because the girls are planning on doing a J1 next summer, Aoife is willing to enter into a newly updated payment plan with BOMAD.

“Sorry Aoife, it’s up to the lads in balaclavas with northern reg vans how much you pay and when going forward,” replied BOMAD, in a rare joint-statement.

Elsewhere, Noel has yet to tell Ciara he’s lost BOMAD’s cash reserves in cryptocurrency.