Entire Population Of Mayo Placed On Blood Pressure Medication


AN urgent call has been put out for blood pressure medication to treat the 130,000 inhabitants of county Mayo, after it was revealed that the stress of the impending All-Ireland final on Saturday may have gotten the better of anyone.

The situation was raised by a passing NASA satellite, who recorded a growing ‘heat bloom’ in the west of Ireland since Mayo defeated Dublin the semi-finals.

The space agency passed this on to the Irish government to investigate if it may be a faulty nuclear reactor or something, only for the source of the issue to be revealed as tens of thousands of faces getting redder and redder as the pressure of finally breaking the All-Ireland curse mounted.

“Look, we know there’s no point in telling these people to calm down. So for the next few days, we’ll be administering blood pressure meds by the truck load to make sure they don’t start dropping from heart attacks” said a spokesperson for the hastily-assembled Mayo Health Response Team.

“The issue isn’t going to get any better as we edge closer to kick-off, especially when they start throwing ham sandwiches and pints into themselves. If we don’t supply medication to every household in the county, we could be looking at 60,000 dead Mayoians if this thing goes to extra time”.

Meanwhile NASA have reported another raging heat bloom on the east coast of Ireland, this time being attributed to sulking Dubs as they fume in envy over being beaten this year.