Only Friend Still Renting Urged To Shut Up Moaning About It


A LOCAL group of home-ownings friends have urged the solitary renter in their social circle to quit his endless moaning about the perils of his predicament.

“Oh, don’t get us wrong we sympathise completely but… we’ve moved on from that so you’re sort of bringing us down with all that talk,” friends of John Emerton told the 32-year-old.

“Like every time you say ‘my housemate’ you shock us all into a PTSD episode but we all have mortgages now, we don’t pay half what you pay in monthly rent to listen about the housing crisis and rent increase, ya know?” the friends added, while indicating invitations to social occasion will have to be revoked if Emerton doesn’t wise up.

“And please, please, please, never invite us to your place again for drinks or dinner… the furniture that isn’t yours, the fridge space split into four, oh God, we just fucking can’t John it’s too sad,” added friends, in that well-meaning yet utterly devastating way.

The sudden intervention was prompted by a recent gathering of the gang when there was pronounced sounds of dry retching when Emerton mentioned something called a ‘housing list’.

“John, no, we’re young professionals, you can’t just mention worky classy things like that out of the blue, we get that you’re single, saving for a house by yourself but there’s a line of discomfort you shouldn’t make us cross,” concluded the friends, drowning of Emerton’s talking points with stories of plans for extensions and kitchen conversions.