Yet Another Day Of Man’s Life Rolls By Without Cause To Use Sin, Cos or Tan


LEAVING Cert holder Aaron Walkenson has somehow managed to navigate through another day without having to calculate the angles of a triangle, making the years he spent sweating about formulas and equations seem quite pointless indeed.

“I’ll be honest, I’m not out here trying to avoid trigonometry” stated Walkenson, who did his Leaving Cert 20 years ago but still gets the occasional nightmare about it.

“It’s not like there are acute angles that need to be worked out everywhere I turn, and I’m just running away from them. I just honestly haven’t encountered a problem that required a scientific calculator since I left school. Truly, I welcome the challenge, should it ever arrive. It’d be nice to put all that learning into practice, just once in my whole life”.

Walkenson joins millions of post-Leaving Cert adults that regularly struggle to apply their school learnings to everyday life, such as fellow St. Augustine Of The Perforated Aorta alumni Erica Simmins, who has yet to apply the modh coinníollach to her day-to-day life.

“Just hasn’t come up” shrugged Simmins, who has done very well for herself in life despite only receiving a C in pass Irish back in 2002.

Meanwhile, as thousands of adults ponder what was the point of it all, a fresh crop of Leaving Cert students anxiously await their own results later in the summer, with both Walkenson and Simmins telling their own kids that they had better have learned their formulas and conjugated their verbs properly or else they’ll be considered a bunch of dumbasses.