US Government Offended By Suggestion It Would Ever Try To Meddle In Cuban Affairs

STUMBLING back with an outstretched hand seeking to grab hold of something to retain its balance, the US government reportedly needed to lie down in bed for 30 minutes to recover from the shock allegation that it has ever tried to interfere in Cuban affairs.

The accusation was thrown in the direction of the Biden administration and those that preceded it in the wake of fresh protests by Cubans against their government amid food and electricity shortages, something some cynics suggest could have been encouraged and fomented by the US intelligence services.

“Cuba? As in the Cuba we’ve had a trade embargo with for 6 decades that is routinely condemned by the UN, that Cuba? Oh that is a scurrilous accusation, why our large corporations would love nothing more than to further bloat their profits by entering Cuba” offered a White House spokesperson.

“The Bay of Pigs? Is that the lovely beach people on Instagram go to swim with pigs? I’ve always wanted to go,” offered president Biden, “I’m so mad at the insinuation that if I had a cigar in my mouth it’d probably explode!”

“Some citizens have recently risen up and demanded the boot of the security services, police and military be removed from their necks, something no American citizen has ever gone through but we urge the Cuban government to let democracy flow,” added Biden, who said he knew of a lovely Cuban based military prison that could house an overthrown regime if it’s needed.

Government officials also said that if character references are needed from other countries on other ‘hands off’ approaches, the CIA would happily forge them at short notice.