Making The Ultimate Summer Staycation Plans In Ireland

SUMMER is finally here, and hotels are reopening. We thought it’d never come but we’re all close to the Irish holiday of our dreams.

Here’s how to maximise your ‘being a tourist in your own country’ dreams:

Take out a loan. Just hand over your wallet and no one gets hurt. This isn’t Irish hospitality’s first rodeo, they know about the €50 you keep in your sock too. Hand it the fuck over.

Invest in rain gear. The unpredictable Irish weather isn’t ideal but look it, plan ahead and buy rain gear to go over your scuba gear and wet suit.

Enjoy that continental holiday experience by doing all your summer shopping in your nearest Sklep Polski, where everything is the same as you’re used to, but also kinda different?

You’ll also get the opportunity here to talk to members of staff in their second language, and get the huff when they don’t understand you. And Dads, don’t worry you can do that weird thing you do where you speak English in a foreign accent, as if that makes it easier for someone to understand you.

With international travel not opening up until the end of July, Dubliners will take the place of overweight Americans and will be gouged to within an inch of their lives. Sorry, we don’t make the rules.

Are your camera apps up to date? Those dull grey skies won’t alter themselves to give your Instagram followers the impression they’re missing out on something. They don’t need to know your wind-swept, brow-beaten face hated every second of it.

Partake in that great warmth, craic and hospitality we Irish are famed for; when someone says ‘sure why would you go abroad at all?’ just nod and smile even though you’d sell your firstborn for 2 weeks in Greece for half the price it costs to stare in the general direction of an Irish hotel.

Ireland is chock-full of locations that were used in TV & Film, and they all make a great day out. Bring the family to see the street where Brendan Gleeson was shot at the end of The General, or where Kevin Spacey was shot at the end of Ordinary Decent Criminal. You can then visit the actual site the General was shot in real life, and see who got it the most accurate!

Although the government appreciates that everyone was looking forward to a summer of white-water rafting, the facility in Dublin hasn’t been built just yet. Have patience, next year all our white-water dreams will come true!

Ireland has some of the most stunning drives anywhere in the world, so be sure to charge up the kids’ tablets so that they give you a bit of peace, allowing you to actually enjoy your drive without having to listen to them whingeing.

Going away with a group of friends? Make endless plans to visit local beauty spots before getting locked in the rented house and missing it all – treasured normality is back on the cards!