Bill & Melinda Gates In Bitter Battle To See Who Gets The Microchipped Kids

ONCE believed to the the golden couple of the Illuminati-led secret worldwide cult that controls our every action, Bill Gates and his wife Melinda have announced that they are to part ways after 27 years of marriage; prompting speculation as to who will now gain control of their ever-growing horde of mind-controlled children around the world.

“Bill and Melinda will both want to be the ones with their hand hovering over the 5G kill command when the day of reckoning happens” said one online observer we spoke to, who has spent an extraordinary amount of his time on this earth following the every move of the Microsoft billionaire.

“And it’s not just the thousands of microchip-implanted kids that they’ll want to hang on to, they’ll also be contesting for year-round use of the deep-Earth laser that triggers tsunamis, and their control over NASA that continues this dumbass myth that earth is some sort of globe, and not the flat disc that it clearly is”.

The Gates’ divorce may hit a further snag as there currently doesn’t seem to be a court big enough to handle a case of this size with 145 billion dollars, a space ark that will ferry them off the planet if an asteroid shows up, and a shared Spotify account at stake Bill and Melinda may actually have to purchase an entirely new legal system if they want to part ways.

Meanwhile, the newly-single Bill has expressed disappointment that ‘none of the lads’ are available for a session on the beer with him. “All henpecked, haha, I remember that!” said Gates, in his one-bedroom apartment with his sweet stereo system that he can play as loud as he likes.