Local Man Done With This Fucking News, Throw Him A Text When You Have Vaccine For Him

DECIDING the final straw was the temporary suspension of the AstraZeneca vaccine by EU nations which experts say will actually cost lives due to the ceasing of administering the jabs, local man Denis Byrne doesn’t want to ‘hear another fucking word’ ongoing vaccine hoopla, instructing everyone and anyone to text him when he’s booked in for the jab.

“Ah ah ah,” Byrne said while holding up his hand in protest, “don’t want to hear about Astra suspension this, shortage that, ‘HSE couldn’t roll out some dough’. Fucking sick of it all, just text me when you have one for me,” Byrne said shutting the door in our face, disconnecting his TV box and deleting all apps off his phone.

Described as a relatively ‘mild’ reaction to the latest frustrating turn in the tale of vaccine distribution, Byrne began hammering his letterbox shut and leaving a note for the post man indicating that if it isn’t a letter confirming he’s to head down to the GP for a vaccine he doesn’t want it.

“I couldn’t give a flying fuck if that text doesn’t come until 2025, my blood pressure can’t take anymore of this bolloxology,” Byrne said to his wife and two children who have been informed every room in the house is now a Covid-conversation free zone.

Byrne is expected to spend the rest of the day painting arrows from his local hospital, GP practice and vaccination centre that lead healthcare workers all the way back to Byrne’s armchair in his sitting room where he has tattooed a bullseye symbol on his arm.

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