Family Bloodline Ruined Forever After Addition Of In-Law From Tipperary


FOLEY family matriarch Fidelma Foley has called an emergency family meeting today after news spread of someone marrying a Tipperary native into the family.

“That’s the bloodline sullied forever,” barked Fidelma, in a Zoom call with 50 close and distant relatives.

“Look, we just about survived the great Dublin marriage crisis of the 1980s when Joan’s eldest daughter got engaged, but thank God that fella died of a heart attack before the wedding, but Tipperary? Jesus Mary mother of Christ, what was your young fella thinking at all, Michael?” Fidelma inquired of her youngest brother Eugene and his son’s new wife from Clonmel.

“I hear those muck savages still eat from pig troughs there,” piped up cousin Rita, dry retching at the thought of any Tipperary culture, traditions or accents blending in with what was an almost unblemished family tree. “It’s the poor children I feel sorry for; expected to play hurling and fed ham sandwiches from tinfoil all their miserible life. Poor little bastards”.

Some speculated on the fact that many Tipperary natives have their way with the horses, and their DNA may be part mule, but one relation corrected the statement to confirm this was the case with ‘all Tipperary folk’.

“The Foley name means fuck all now. Do you know I haven’t left the house in weeks because of this with the shame. ‘Premier county’? Last bloody county we’d want to be associated with. Give me Roscommon any day over Tipp,” confirmed Fidelma, who has repeatedly Googled ‘how to annul someone’s marriage on their behalf’, numerous times.