Schools To Return On Phased Basis Before Closing Again

GOOD NEWS for parents around the country as the Minister for Education Norma Foley is to imminently release her ‘When The Little Shits Going To Be Out Of Your Hair’ roadmap.

A phased return of pupils to schools is set to commence from March the 1st but details remain sketchy on when schools will be closed once again amid bad planning, poor resourcing and dishonest counting of Covid-19 spread within schools.

“Parents will want clarity on when the plan to keep schools open will turn to mush, but we ask for patience – you will all know weeks before we bother actually announcing closures again,” explained one Department of Education official.

It is understood the next closure of schools will have to wait until the Department first ignores parents, teachers and relevant experts when they identify all the ways the current plan is not fit for purpose or not operating as it should, but not before the Minister and her colleagues begin savaging teaching unions in the media.

“We’ve about as much confidence in the Dept. of Education to get this right long term as we do in little Fionn here becoming head of NASA,” shared one teacher, pointing in the direction of one of her pupils who had eight crayons stuffed up his nose.

“But what’s the harm in being treated like guinea pigs,” confirmed the workshy, holiday obsessed, only in it for the pension primary school teacher.

“Nah be grand,” confirmed the Department of Education when asked if, even though Irish schools are the safest, most Covid-free locations in the world, it would be a good idea to amend plans to reflect the emergence of new Covid variants.