Micheál Martin’s Guide To Stating The Obvious

IN an exclusive interview with RTÉ radio’s Brendan O’Connor Taoiseach Micheál Martin unveiled how he keeps on top of things, staying one step ahead of all the challenges facing him as Ireland’s leader.

“It will snow yesterday,” explained Martin, who has unfairly been accused of reacting too slowly at times to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.

“I fancy Dublin in the football for last year’s All-Ireland,” added Martin in a candid and frank interview, aimed at letting the Irish public know the same mistakes won’t be made again.

“There was a big uptick in cases in December 2020, which isn’t the government’s fault as ‘we all partied’, but we won’t make the mistake again of opening retail and allowing household gatherings at the same time against expert advice in December, we’ll just do it in June or July next time,” continued Martin, a rare voice of calm amidst uncertainty, fear and frustration.

Showcasing an eerie talent for foresight, Martin also pointed out how Diana never should have gone to Paris, you might want to sell your shares from Anglo about now, Liverpool aren’t looking good for the FA cup this year and the HSE probably wouldn’t be able to cope if there was a pandemic on the go.

Martin then poured cold water on the idea of using hotels to quarantine incoming travellers to Ireland as then there would be nowhere to put Ireland’s homeless population.

“You probably didn’t know that, did you? Apparently Ireland has a homeless problem”.

Elsewhere, in a soon to be unveiled programme the government is set to issue everyone in the country with pill which should make it easier to swallow their bullshit from now on.