No Pressure, But BT Young Scientists Project Better Have Pandemic Ended By End Of Day


AS the BT Young Scientist & Technology Exhibition goes online for the very first time today growing numbers of the public have joined the virtual exhibition to plead with the young teenagers to fill the void left by the country’s politicians in a bid to end the ongoing pandemic.

“Not gonna lie, if any of you nerds had like an anti-pandemic laser or something, you’d really be helping me out,” confirmed Tániaste Leo Varadkar, who found a way to hijack an exhibition live stream. “Would you guys end the pandemic any quicker if I told you I accidentally leaked to the media that you’d already solved it all?”

Usually known for showcasing brilliant young minds and the dedication of amazing teachers, taking the science fair online has been labeled a ‘gift to cyberbullies’ however, the public has asked that participants discard the usual run of the mill science projects in favour of the more ambitious project of an instantaneous end to the enduring hell that is Covid-19.

“It’s already lunchtime, why haven’t you guys invented a catapult that fires a million gps fitted vaccines into the veins of everyone. What good’s a vaccine if you pipsqueaks can’t invent a way to use them all up today?” queried one desperate man who’s own interest in science ended after his school deemed him too dense to be within a mile of a bunsen burner.

“Let me put it this way guys, if you don’t hurry up and solve this the probability of you ever shifting someone behind the bikes shed is greatly diminished.”

The low light of the opening day’s proceeding occurred when Minister for Education Norma Foley’s ‘schools are by their nature a safe environment’ science project finished dead last.