Panicked Government Leaves It ‘Til 5.55PM On Xmas Eve To Shop For Covid-19 Vaccine


KICKING THEMSELVES for leaving it so late, Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has roped cabinet colleagues into hitting the shops at the very last minute in a bid to bolster the country’s 14 million vaccine doses.

“Moderna, Pfizer, Oxford,” a panicked Donnelly read from a shopping list, “look it, you can never have too many,” added Donnelly as some ministers protested having to give the FF TD a dig out.

“Yeah, thought that’d shut up your moaning,” Donnelly said as he sent a nervous looking Leo Varadkar off to Moore Street to check for any heavily discounted vaccine stock.

Muttering under his breath about how ‘you always do this, every year, and you always say next year will be different’, the chief procurement officer for the Dept. of Health was actively elbowing members of the public out of the way as he made his way through a Boots.

With eyes on the ticking clock and angry stares from retail workers hoping to finish their Christmas eve shifts by 6pm on the dot, the government’s panic only intensified.

“I know it’s not on the list, but would one of youse leg it into TK Maxx and see if they have the Russian vaccine,” queried Taoiseach Micheál Martin.

“I know, I just feckin’ said it’s not on the list, but what, are you going to tell the poor lambs to their faces that the 14 million doses aren’t all ready on the 1st of January? No? Right so, off to Dealz with you and grab whatever you can find”.