“No Social Distancing, No Sick Pay”: Elves Criticise Working Conditions At North Pole


ELF and safety experts have reported that possible industrial action is brewing in the North Pole at the world’s largest toy manufacturing plant as its owner faces accusations of a litany of Covid-19 safety failures.

No social distancing, no sick pay and a shortage of PPE are among the shocking disclosures made by staff who are appealing for authorities to step in and intervene before it’s too late.

“All we want to be able to do is work without the risk of contracting Covid-19,” explained Santa’s workshop steward Candy Kane, who alleges poor pay, long hours and constant corner cutting is taking its toll on staff.

Elves initially brought glaring gaps in Covid safety protocols to their line manager but it is believed the manager is the wife of the factory owner.

“And I don’t know why Mrs Claus stands up for him either, when he tells her he’s ‘working late’ he’s just seeing ho after ho after ho,” offered one elf on his one mandated 5-minute break in an 18-hour shift.

With billions of orders to process during the busiest time of year for the workshop, working around the clock in cramped and overcrowded factory floors was only ever going to be a recipe for disaster.

“He ordered PPE from China off of Amazon but it never arrived, I told him if he just let us make it ourselves it’d be easier but he wouldn’t listen, he wants everything done on the cheap” explained one elf, on a zero hours contract.

“It’s alright for the boss man, he’s never down on the shop floor so all requests for improvements here are ignored. He’s a hypocrite too, what did he do when North Pole health authorities said reindeer can carry transmit Covid-19? He shot everyone last one of them right between the eyes, culled them all but when it’s us at risk he does nothing to help”.

Mr Claus, the owner of the factory refused to comment when we contacted him but it is believed while he made a number of elves redundant earlier in the year his own personal wealth has skyrocketed as stocks in his company soar in value.