BREAKING: Mammy Needs Some Wine


RESIDENTS of the O’Riordan household in Mallow county Cork have been advised that mother of the house, Tina O’Riordan, needs some wine, WWN has learned.

The statement, issued at around 7pm this evening, was short and concise, yet managed to convey her message without any retort from her immediate family.

“Mammy needs some wine,” gave the exhausted 36-year-old, who spent the entirety of Saturday changing beds, washing and drying clothes, before then making dinner for her children to half eat.

Following the announcement, the remaining O’Riordan family retired to their bedrooms, knowing now not to disturb the young mother, but yet somehow still unafraid to ask for certain items of nourishment.

“Mam! Water!” belowed 7-year-old Katlin O’Riordan while playing Roblox, before receiving the reply ‘go get it your self, Katlin, there’s plenty in the tap’.

The weekly ritual was marked by a familiar howl of laughter, as O’Riordan laughed with her girlfriends online, before then checking on her three children.

“Mammy usually starts apologising for shouting at us during the day for not cleaning our rooms,” 10-year-old Jonathan O’Riordan explained pre and post-wine mammy, “but then in the evening she’s all nice and silly and gives us big hugs and nice things and even lets us stay up late!”.

Meanwhile in the sitting room, Mammy confirmed to friends via text that she is not looking forward to tomorrow morning’s existential dread, while insisting that it will be totally worth it.