Divers Find Dolphin Mass Grave In Dingle


DIVERS searching for Fungi the dolphin in Dingle have discovered a ‘mass grave’ site underwater where an estimated 20-30 seperate remains have been found, WWN has learned.

The graves, marked with the name Fungi followed by a number and year of death, are believed to have been the final resting places of a series of aquatic mammals who have filled the tourist attraction’s roll for the past 40 years.

“When the first Fungi died, another one arrived in the bay and we said we’d just go with the flow and say nothing, play it by ear” admitted one Dingle boat owner, who has made a living out of bringing tourists out to see the dolphin for 35 years, “after the 12th or 13th Fungi we couldn’t really say anything as business was booming, so hopefully a new Fungi will arrive on before the current restrictions are lifted”.

Auditions for the new Fungi are believed to have already gotten underway, with all mammal options now being discussed.

“We were thinking of mixing it up a bit this time around and getting a seal into the bay instead,” another boat operator explained, “the fame and limelight seems to go to dolphin’s heads; the last Fungi spent weeks on the session with the Miami Dolphins one summer and left us in the lurch. Another Fungi would hardly surface at all because he was hooked on watching reruns of Flipper. We can’t have that when our whole town depends on them”.

Meanwhile, RTÉ have have announced a 50-episode true crime podcast on the mass Fungi grave narrated by Daniel Day Lewis, who has spent the last 6 months learning to speak dolphin in preparation for the series.

“Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh,” confirmed Day Lewis, standing upright in a swimming pool and clapping his elbows together.

The discovery of the mass dolphin grave has left egg on the faces of Dingle officials who just this morning told the nation Fungi had gone to live on an aqua farm.