Delusional Home Worker Puts Up Whiteboard He’ll Never Use


CAREFULLY writing down the days of the working week on his brand-new whiteboard, delusional homeworker Cathal Baines imagined how this new scheduling system will change his working life, making him the most productive he’ll ever be.

“If it’s written down in front of me on a wall it’s going to keep me focused,” Baines told himself, quickly shutting down the part of his subconscious that knows better, “no, it will definitely help me keep on track of all my projects – I’ll probably run out of markers for it in a couple of weeks because I’ll be using it that much”.

Writing down everything he could possibly think of into his ‘working day’, Baines wondered what he ever did before he bought the €13.99 whiteboard from the middle aisle in Lidl.

“How I got any work done before this is beyond me,” he scoffed at his old, disorganised self, now already scrubbing out all the ‘2pm – brainstorming session’ entry from Mon-Fri, now replacing it with ‘school run’, “oh, wait, I’ve also a Zoom meeting on Thursday at 3… balls, and Monday too,” he reminded himself, slowly realising his scheduled list of work things may not be as rock solid as he previously thought.

“No, I’ll definitely keep on top of this notice board and keep updating every time something changes, this is who I am now,” Baines blatantly lied to himself before sitting down and never touching the whiteboard ever again.