Signs You May Have Gone Mad While Self-Isolating

EVERYONE is doing their bit to retreat from their daily routines, minimising contact with other people and in cases of developing symptoms or coming into contact with someone who has; self-isolating.

This can be a boring, stressful and anxious time or as it now been coined ‘borstresious’ time. If you are concerned that you’re going slightly mad, WWN’s fullmindness experts have drawn up a list of very subtle signs that point to the fact that yes, you’re bat-soup shit insane, allowing you to address the problem and bring yourself back from the brink:

Are you openly conducting conversations out loud with yourself? Nothing to worry about. Yet.

Are you keeping your spirits up with a little sing song, only to suddenly imagine you’re live on stage in front of millions, breaking out your dance moves? This is fairly normal. Nothing to worry about.

Have you reordered the alphabet in order of preference of your favourite letters? Did you agonise for 45 minutes over whether, in this new order, S really deserved to be put before L? Not ideal.

Are you making sure to give yourself a break from all this Covid-19 news by continuing to do nothing but read Covid-19 news? Perfectly normal.

Do you find it annoying how the plug socket has stopped talking to the window, even though the plug socket apologised? Not a great sign.

Are you storing your coughs in jars to sell to weird Japanese business on eBay? Smart. Every crisis is an opportunity.

Has this time in self-isolation led you to reappraise your life with you coming to the conclusion that once this is all over, you’ll be less a selfish bastard? Uh oh, you’re losing your grip on reality, you’d never be capable of that.

Have you thought about what voices individual numbers would have if they were real people? Do you insist that the number 27 would sound very much like a French Morgan Freeman? Hmmm, okay.

Have you been wearing the same pyjamas night and die for the last week? Fairly normal, nothing to worry about.

Have you married your cat in a private ceremony? Was your hand sanitiser bridesmaid and your wedding dress made entirely from toilet paper? Ring the helpline now.