Priti Patel Leaves Carcass Of Dead Civil Servant On Doorstep Of Number Ten

IN THE ATTEMPT to show fealty to her master at Number 10 Downing Street, Britain’s Home Secretary, Priti Patel, returned from a day of hunting civil servant prey to place yet another discarded carcass outside the prime minister’s residence.

“Master, this one said all the ‘facts’ we’re telling the public are actually lies” Patel purred, safe in the knowledge that PM Johnson won’t treat bullying accusations as seriously as the time Patel was sacked by Theresa May for undeclared secretive meetings with Israeli officials.

Tory sources have called the bullying accusations the work of ‘dark forces’ which other people have pointed out is “an odd thing to call victims of bullying who were paid large sums in compensation for being bullied by a bully”.

It’s unclear if Patel routinely eviscerating the bodies of civil servants and placing them at the entrance to Number 10, in full view of the media, will do anything to bring an end to accusations of rampant and targeted workplace bullying but it will certainly increase the stress levels of overworked Home Office HR staff.

This latest news marks a departure for Patel, whose own parents would have been deported under her new immigration measures, as she is more used to having to deny accusations of being a decent person rather than asserting she is one.

Sources close to Patel admit she fears Johnson and his pet serpent Dominic will grow tired of civil servant offerings, forcing her to go after bigger prey such as the European Convention on Human Rights, the elderly and the disabled.