Self-Love During Self-Isolation: A Guide

AS the rest of the world continues to fret and fuss over the (admittedly frightening) advance of the Coronavirus, WWN are here to let you know that the government-approved act of self-isolation in the event of contact with the virus may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

The recommended two-week isolation period could offer a stress-free retreat from the modern world, with so many benefits for your health and wellbeing, we’re surprised more people aren’t jumping at the chance to get into quarantine. Here’s a few ways you can up the self-love while staying free from Covid-19:

1) Unplug

The Coronavirus is something that nobody wants any part of; to the extent that if you claim to have been in contact with an infected person, or have travelled from an infection hotspot, then you’re in the clear when it comes to social obligations for a full fortnight, baby.

Picture this; nobody asking you out to some nonsense night out, no work functions, no heading round to the in-laws on a Saturday; you’ve got the whole fortnight to yourself, to relax, free from the outside world. We’d take a respiratory illness over talking to our partner’s friend’s partner about the price of car insurance for an hour ANY day of the week.

2) Stock up

You’ve got two weeks away from civilisation; so that’s two weeks you need to stock up for. And given that you don’t have any work commitments, you don’t necessarily need to wash, you don’t need to smell good; well, that’s the week you go on a massive bender, we say.

With nowhere to go each morning, you can afford to have a rolling hangover the likes you haven’t had since you were in secondary school. Stock up on canned food (we recommend spaghetti hoops), get the beers in, and get ready for the bender to end all benders.

3) Self-love

It’s at this point where we must stop talking about how great this journey is going to be, and issue a warning. Isolated from loved ones, and with no chance a Tinder hook-up will come near your potentially-infected arse, you will have to turn to self-love on an almost hourly basis to stave off loneliness and misery.

Make sure your internet provider bill is paid in full, and don’t forget to stock up on the appropriate, ahem, materials that you’ll need to get through a fortnight of onanism. In fact, the more we think of it, this self-isolation lark sounds an awful lot like your teenage years, where you stayed in all the time, ate nothing but garbage and pulled yourself to pieces all the time. You’ll be grand.