AFTER spending much of the week pretending to give a shit about what Greta Thunberg had to say about the environment, emotional billionaires in attendance at Davos turned their focus to honouring friend, fixer and epic orgy organiser Jeffrey Epstein as the annual knees up drew to a close.
“Now that the laughable charade of the annual ‘invite someone to give out to us’ is over, we feel it’s only right to focus on remembering those no longer able to procure what we need and desire at short notice, no matter how illegal,” confirmed one attendee at the annual bank balance measuring contest.
While admitting no statue, no matter how large and grand, could do justice to the scale of things Epstein allowed rich people to indulge in and get away with, the sombre ceremony went some way to honouring their dearly departed friends’ lasting legacy.
“Wow, the sculptor did a great job, they really captured that hauntingly psychotic and evil glint in his eye. Fuck, I miss him,” added another billionaire, who was so upset he was thinking of skipping the seminar on how to better hide your assets offshore and disguise the fact you’re still massively investing in fossil fuels.
Attendees remarked how without Epstein this year’s conference just didn’t have the same excitement, with many thinking this might be the last time they go to Davos.
“Just feels a little too… absent of sex trafficking, y’know? Even the journalists this year aren’t enjoying it. Not one of them have even broken a story we’d consider killing them for”.