“Obama Brought The Woman He Was Sleeping With Everywhere And Nobody Complained”
US President Donald Trump has lashed out at criticisms surrounding his daughter Ivanka’s attendance at the recent G20 summit of world leaders, bitterly remarking that there were no complaints when former presidents brought along ‘the women they were sleeping with’.
Journalists at the hastily arranged press conference took a moment to process what the president had just said, before asking him to say exactly what he’d just said again, changing nothing, just say it one more time.
“Other US Presidents, in particular Barack Obama, they attended things all over the world with a guest, and never got any of the bad press that me or my daughter Ivanka got” said Trump, as his PR team made silent choking gestures off camera.
Astute journos were quick to point out that Mr. Trump actually said the words ‘were sleeping with’, and again asked for clarification.
“Well, it’s a long trip, of course we slept during it. Although I’m sure I could attend any summit without sleep, but that’s just because I’m that dedicated” explained Trump, kind of.
“No other president could go without sleep like I can go without sleep. But during the G20 summit, sure, yeah I got an hour of sleep. And Ivanka slept too, and yeah, perhaps outlet sleeping times overlapped each other. That’s what I meant, ok, and anything else you report is just fake news, got it? We were tired from kicking ass and being highly respected by the best people in the world. So we caught a nap. I don’t remember you people shitting on Obama for it”.
There was a pause as journalists made notes, and no further questions were asked.
“Ivanka has a sweet ass, though, doesn’t she?”, mused Trump, before being speared off the stage by a PR intern.