“The Quicker Climate Change Ends Us, The Better”


AFTER LEARNING that a raft of new government proposals to curb carbon emissions and the devastating effects of climate change would involve increased taxes, one local Waterford man has said ‘fuck that’ while stressing the sooner it ends us all, the better.

Expressing the same sort of lack of enthusiasm Irish people have for taking necessary steps to solving a number of problems that plague Irish society, Eoghan Coggins has emerged as a spokesperson for those that aren’t even sure we should be bothered saving the planet if it’ll cost him money.

“Tax me out the arse to save a few trees?” explained Coggins, who was all for it before the mention of personal cost to him.

“And yeah, alright, the fate of the planet and future generations are at stale too but no thanks, let the temperatures rise and the sun boil the bollocks off me, I’m not fucking paying a cent,” explained Coggins, responding to news of possible diesel and petrol price hikes and potential congestion charges in Dublin.

“Living isn’t even that much craic at the end of the day, like, do kids these days actual need to grow old? We don’t want to put them through what we go through; splitting sun one second, torrential rain the next,” queried Coggins who was ‘fucking livid’ when he learned that averting the destruction of humanity would cost him.

However, Coggins’ rage may be pointless as the Fine Gael government has put on record it’s open to not implementing any of these measures properly if it threatens to cost their TDs votes in future elections.